3 Characteristics of People Who Truly Embrace Who They Are

#1: They know the grass is greener where they water it

How many real friends do you have? I have 3.

I’m very picky about who I surround myself with. And you should be, too.

My friends all share one trait: they fully embrace who they are. That’s what drew me to them in the first place.

I want the people in my life to empower me, encourage me, and inspire me. Of course, that’s not a one-way street. I aim to do the exact same. But it all boils down to authenticity. How can you inspire people to do what’s best for them if you’re a people pleaser who chooses comfort over truth? You can’t.

I’m not a mind reader, but I like to think that I’ve developed a strong authenticity radar that helps me detect inauthentic people.These are all red flags for me:
• People pleasers
• People who say A but do B
• People who don’t think for themselves
• People who talk about others in their absence

My life is too precious to spend it with inauthentic people. And so is yours. Here are 3 green flags that I always look out for that will help you develop your authenticity radar.

The reward for conformity was that everyone liked you except yourself.

- Rita Mae Brown

1. They know the grass isn’t greener on the other side

There’s a saying that comparison is the thief of joy.

It also deprives you of your self-respect. People who fully embrace themselves know that comparison is a losing game. The only comparison they make is with their past self. They celebrate their wins instead. They don’t wish they were someone else. Nor do they want you to change who you are. They’ll encourage you to be your best version, but they’ll never ask you to be someone you’re not.

They know what they have to offer the world. They know the grass is greener where they water it — not on the other side. They focus on cultivating their own garden, deeply rooted in self-awareness, and they want you to bloom in it. When you’re shining, they don’t feel the need to hide you in the bushes. You grow together.

2. They know themselves on a deep level

I don’t know about you, but to me, self-awareness is the most attractive trait there is. Someone who acknowledges their weaknesses? Who knows what they need? And who’s aware of their triggers? Please join my small circle.

Almost everyone thinks they’re self-aware. But self-awareness is actually rare. According to research, 95% of people think they’re self-aware, but only 10% actually are.

How do you identify that one person who is self-aware? Strengths and weaknesses are a good starting point, but there’s so much more that you should consider.

Self-awareness isn’t the equivalent of ‘’oops, I messed up’’. Being aware of our behavior is one thing, but being aware of how our behavior affects other people is another. People who are truly self-aware:

• Understand how their actions impact other people.

• Understand the root causes of their emotions.

• See themselves through a mirror of their actions, not their intentions.

• Know what kind of person they want to become.

3. They’re very intentional about how they spend their time (and aren’t afraid to say no)

This one is strongly tied to the previous point.

You can only spend your time wisely if you know your needs, triggers, energy givers and energy takers. And if you know how to communicate them. When you don’t, you just become a victim of mindless and involuntary participation in whatever people think is right for you.

Everyone knows time is scarce. But we don’t always know how we should spend it. Even if we do, we have a hard time communicating our needs.

Self-aware people know exactly how they want to spend their time — and they make decisions that align with their needs. They make choices that are rooted in self-awareness. They say no to things they know will drain them. They say yes to people and activities that fuel them.

You know what the thing is with people pleasers? They’re always looking to maintain social peace, but they’re never at peace with themselves. The choices they make always serve others. They’ll ask what the other person needs, but won’t bother asking themselves what they need.

Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.

— Brene Brown

Final thoughts

Authenticity doesn’t come with age. If you spend decades in a group of people pleasers and gossipers, it only drives you further away from who you are.

Authenticity comes from being with people who fully embrace who they are. Authentic people don’t shy away from showing their quirks. They admit failures. They don’t pretend to be someone they’re not. The choices they make are rooted in self-awareness. Their vulnerability and courage are contagious.

Inauthentic people make you feel uneasy about saying and doing the right thing. They avoid expressing their thoughts and needs. You watch your words in their presence. You dread asking them for advice, because you know they’ll tell you to do what’s safe rather than what’s good for you.

Choose wisely.